Image by Meredith Farmer
I’ve always prided myself in being ‘independent’. And I still do, but not in the way I thought. It’s true I like to do my own thing. The problem is… I’ve mistaken this for ‘independence’ when it’s really just slightly non conformist. I was telling a good friend the other day about how independent I was to which she kindly said… ‘Leigh, you’re no more independent than the rest of us.’ Damn, really? I thought I had everyone fooled. It was kind of an ‘aha’ moment. While it’s true I march to the beat of my own drummer, it doesn’t make me any more special or cooler than anyone else. (which admittedly, is what goes on in my head sometimes) Connecting with others on a regular basis is a basic human need and I think I fooled myself into thinking I was above that in a way.
We all need connection. It doesn’t mean you have to lose who you are in the process. Just the opposite, you can share your gifts with each interaction. There have been a couple of people in my life recently that are really good at connecting. They remember people’s names, take their time talking to people, and really connect. I am usually very friendly but I don’t always take that little extra time to have that real connection moment. I tend to want to get the interaction over with and be onto the next thing. I’ve realized though that taking a little more time to talk with someone, and really connecting, makes both of us come away feeling so much better.
I did this recently at Whole Foods. A sweet 80 year old lady was sitting next to me with her husband. She commented on my long legs and how she too, had long legs and had a hard time finding jeans that were long enough. Rather than just chatting for a second, I continued to ask her questions and ended up having one of the most interesting conversations about her life and her funny husband. Turns out she goes to Old Navy and buys men’s jeans because they have the length listed on them! It only took a few minutes to talk with her but she was a cool and slightly crazy lady, and she totally made my day.
Another thing I’ve realized recently is that I prefer being around people rather than on my own. (Partly due to the fact that I now work from home no doubt) I especially love to be around those that make me laugh. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my own company and I do need alone, recharge time but in general, I’m happiest around others. I even prefer living with other people as opposed to by myself. Despite the compromises that involves. It just makes life more fun.
In this day in age, I think it takes a little more effort to get out there and meet people and make those connections. American society is built on the idea of individualism, entrepreneurship, and privacy. This is a great thing but it means we have to make more of a conscious effort to connect or we can drown in our own little worlds. We can choose to stay locked up in our air conditioned houses watching cable TV all day, or we can go down to the coffee shop, chat with a new friend and watch the world go by. This is what they do in most of Europe.. they embrace life, people, food and connections and create their daily routines around meals, coffee shops and gatherings.
So this month, I’m consciously taking a little extra time with others to really connect. And to surround myself with those that lift me up and love to laugh. I’m already having more fun. :)
Oh, I took a trip to the Outer Banks last week, pics are up in the gallery. It’s so beautiful there this time of year, and not too crowded.
‘The life you’ve always wanted to live will remain a fantasy until you actually begin living that way now.’ ~Cee Jay Coe
p.s. I’m loving these two songs right now: Need You Now and Heart of Steel
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Great post! Independence isn’t only overrated, but it’s impossible. Just think of a cup of coffee, and how its existence depends on hundreds–maybe thousands of people. The farmers who grow the beans, the people who sell the beans, the people who transport them, the shop and its workers who sell it to you–so many people! Really everything is like that–you can’t even walk to the beat of a different drummer if there is no regular drummer that makes you seem different.
‘you can’t even walk to the beat of a different drummer if there is no regular drummer that makes you seem different.’
Excellent point Jennifer.
There’s also a saying I love.. ‘When you are completely content being ordinary, your life becomes extraordinary’
I totally agree with this. My whole philosophy is about living in the moment, mantra being “Brand This Moment”–taking the time to enjoy others around me, having meaningful conversations, being aware of the NOW. It’s so great when people have that epiphany too. :)
Fantastic message Leigh! Rings true for me too, often without realizing it. In my push to be productive, I sometimes forget how the truly fun and special moments are when I take the time to truly connect with family, friends, colleagues, and new people I come in contact with. Like your experience in Whole Foods, a few moments can make a huge difference in how we experience life!
Thank you for this reminder!!
I think ‘independence’ and ‘dependence’ are not discretely defined traits, but rather a spectrum of in-betweens. No one can be truly independent or 100% dependent either (except disabled folks). But those are semantics. Generally speaking, an independent person is defined as someone who makes their own decisions and takes responsibility for it. I think you’re very independent, Leigh. By that I mean, on that spectrum of in-betweens, you lie more on the independent end :) Just look at how you live your life! Sure, everyone else is independent too (in this day and age, you almost have to be) but I’d be willing to hedge a bet that the majority fall more in the center like a perfect bell curve.