» Personal Growth

Taking a Break from ‘Personal Development’

Leigh — Mon, 10 May 2010 14:58:35 +0000

I’m so over personal development. Usually, I love learning how to amp up my life experience, but these days, I could care less about improving myself. I may have o.d.’d. Maybe it’s just a phase.

There are so many books, empowering quotes, advice on how to live, how to act, how to think. Do we know how to trust our instincts and live by our intuition anymore? We are bombarded by so much information but how much of this do we really apply to our daily lives and how much goes in one ear and out the other? I think some of it filters into my subconcious but ultimately, we are a collection of our habits… and these are learned early on. Change, with a few exceptions, is slow.

For example, when I first learned about eating healthy and taking care of my body with nutritious food and daily exercise, it took me years to get where I am today… and I’m still working on it. Yet, I feel sometimes we expect ourselves and others to immediately change the way we live because we have just read about a better way.

I do think, however, that even small changes can give big results. For example, if you decided to get up every morning and walk for 30 minutes, that can make a huge difference in how you feel mentally and physically for the rest of the day. You make better food choices, have more energy, and your body feels good. Or if you decided to only talk nice to yourself rather than focusing on your weaknesses. What would focusing on your strengths do to how you feel, and how you interact with the people in your life? If you have pain you need to heal, or things you need to work on … do the work. But be kind to yourself in the process.

This summer I’m taking a break from self improvement and just relaxing and having fun… living in the moment without looking at the past or the future… using all five senses fully. I’m appreciating who I am without needing to change anything. Let’s face it, we are all pretty great already. We should celebrate our gifts and how awesome we are.. and focus less on what we are not. What you focus on grows, right? :)

I’m going to take a blogging break too for a while but I’m sure I’ll have lots of updates when I return. Have a great summer!

Here’s my last empowering quote for ya. It’s a good one…

‘Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it‘. ~ Bill Cosby

p.s. We took a girls trip to Savannah recently for my friend Chrystal’s sister’s bachelorette weekend. The weather was beautiful and we had such a good time.. I’m still recovering. I posted some of my favorite pics in the gallery. If you haven’t been to Savannah yet… go soon, it’s so charming. But go in the spring or fall, summer will be too hot!

Keeping an Open Heart

Leigh — Tue, 04 May 2010 17:54:14 +0000

Bleeding Hearts

I usually feel a strong connection with anyone I have a relationship with.. whether that relationship was short and intense or long and familiar. You get to see firsthand the dreams, hopes, fears, goals and feelings of your significant other. They are sharing those parts of themselves with you that others rarely get to see, and I always feel privileged to be a part of that.

That being said, it’s hard for me to be friends with someone after it is over. I can’t really explain why. Someone once told me that it means you loved with your whole heart. I think that’s probably true. And maybe it’s because it seems that our time is over, and the future is the time for other people to enrich my life. I’m always in awe of those who can be friends with an ex-lover. I wish I had the ability to do that. I just feel too much I think…. even when time has passed.

Relationships of all kinds are the most important thing in life. I’m just now realizing this. :) It’s rough when they end though, for whatever reason, and there is a hole which only time and good friends, can heal. The pain, if I really feel it and don’t try to cover it up, is palpable. But in a weird way, it makes me feel more connected to others. More vulnerable.. more open to help and receiving love. That is a huge gift that pain gives, ironically.

I’ve had friends who tell me that they still think about someone they used to be in love with every day. And still long for them. It makes me sad to hear that… I mean, after a certain amount of time has passed, do we really need to carry that pain with us every day? Moving on can be hard, the pain is always there somewhere in your heart, but I think you have to be strong enough to remain open to life. And not close off. Not put up walls. There are so many other people out there waiting to experience you, and all your gifts, your craziness and coolness… Who are you to deny them this? Because you have suffered? They have too. We all have. That’s why we need to stay open to each other… to help each other heal.

It’s sad when someone you care about is no longer in your life, because you miss those parts of that person that are unique to them, and you’ll never experience those in anyone else. And you miss how you feel when you’re with them. But you can’t dwell on these things too much or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

I feel like anyone I’ve ever loved has come into my life for a reason. There’s usually some weird coincidence to how we met, or in our history and it’s fun to connect on that level. When it’s over though, you have to be strong enough to let go of that person. They may come back into your life, they may not. If not, remember that when you let go of something, something else will take it’s place, just in a different form. Stay light, stay open, don’t think too much.

I personally feel like there are several people out there for every one of us. I believe in soul mates but I believe we can have more than one. If you let go of someone and it’s hard, remember to hold a space in your heart for them, but don’t let it stop you from loving someone else. They deserve no less from you. Keeping your heart open while still hurting is a challenge. But life is short, and other people that meet you want part of it too. Don’t deny them and you of that gift. And I really believe that if you’re strong enough to not close off, to stay strong and open… amazing things can happen. I’m counting on it. :)

I’d love to hear thoughts on this as I am definitely no expert in this department, and am constantly learning…

Planning a Trip is Half the Fun

Leigh — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 20:43:23 +0000

Positano, Italy

Holy geez, would you look at this picture? I came home the other evening, tired from my usual late afternoon work session at Helios, to my new National Geographic Traveler.. and this photo was on the front. I was instantly revived. It’s Positano, Italy. Isn’t it beautiful? It’s where Diane Lane is whisked off to in the movie Under the Tuscan Sun. I’m determined not to be one of those people that drools over the photos and says..’someday I’ll go’. So, I’ve decided.. I’m going. Next spring when the plane tickets aren’t quite yet outrageous. And I’m announcing it to as many people as I can so they’ll hold me accountable. Hmm.. maybe I should go ahead and set dates as well…oo, and mark them on my calendar!

They say planning a trip is just as much fun as actually going on one. I totally agree. If I’m ever in a bad mood, all I will have to do is dream about this trip and feel blissful, if only for a moment. This picture is now posted up on my bulletin board to remind me of what I’ll need to do to get there. I love to dream about traveling and it’s even more fun when there’s something actually coming up. So for all of you out there who keep saying you’re going to go here, or there… save your money, pick a date and just start planning. Life’s short, don’t waste it!

As far as upcoming travels this year, next up is a family vacation to the Bahamas in June. Woo hoo! Should be interesting as we haven’t done a family vacay in about 15 years which is when dad took his last vacation. I’ve been encouraging (ok, pestering) him for a while now to take a vacation. He works so hard and never takes a break and deserves one. So he’s finally doing it, and my brother and his wife are coming too. That means I should be allowed to take a friend, right?

So, where are you planning on going next?

p.s. I love this story written by a devoted husband. It’s nice to be reminded that this kind of love is possible.. In a Charmed Life, A Road Less Traveled

Independence is Overrated

Leigh — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 16:36:07 +0000

Image by Meredith Farmer

I’ve always prided myself in being ‘independent’. And I still do, but not in the way I thought. It’s true I like to do my own thing. The problem is… I’ve mistaken this for ‘independence’ when it’s really just slightly non conformist. I was telling a good friend the other day about how independent I was to which she kindly said… ‘Leigh, you’re no more independent than the rest of us.’ Damn, really? I thought I had everyone fooled. It was kind of an ‘aha’ moment. While it’s true I march to the beat of my own drummer, it doesn’t make me any more special or cooler than anyone else. (which admittedly, is what goes on in my head sometimes) Connecting with others on a regular basis is a basic human need and I think I fooled myself into thinking I was above that in a way.

We all need connection. It doesn’t mean you have to lose who you are in the process. Just the opposite, you can share your gifts with each interaction. There have been a couple of people in my life recently that are really good at connecting. They remember people’s names, take their time talking to people, and really connect. I am usually very friendly but I don’t always take that little extra time to have that real connection moment. I tend to want to get the interaction over with and be onto the next thing. I’ve realized though that taking a little more time to talk with someone, and really connecting, makes both of us come away feeling so much better.

I did this recently at Whole Foods. A sweet 80 year old lady was sitting next to me with her husband. She commented on my long legs and how she too, had long legs and had a hard time finding jeans that were long enough. Rather than just chatting for a second, I continued to ask her questions and ended up having one of the most interesting conversations about her life and her funny husband. Turns out she goes to Old Navy and buys men’s jeans because they have the length listed on them! It only took a few minutes to talk with her but she was a cool and slightly crazy lady, and she totally made my day.

Another thing I’ve realized recently is that I prefer being around people rather than on my own. (Partly due to the fact that I now work from home no doubt) I especially love to be around those that make me laugh. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my own company and I do need alone, recharge time but in general, I’m happiest around others. I even prefer living with other people as opposed to by myself. Despite the compromises that involves. It just makes life more fun.

In this day in age, I think it takes a little more effort to get out there and meet people and make those connections. American society is built on the idea of individualism, entrepreneurship, and privacy. This is a great thing but it means we have to make more of a conscious effort to connect or we can drown in our own little worlds. We can choose to stay locked up in our air conditioned houses watching cable TV all day, or we can go down to the coffee shop, chat with a new friend and watch the world go by. This is what they do in most of Europe.. they embrace life, people, food and connections and create their daily routines around meals, coffee shops and gatherings.

So this month, I’m consciously taking a little extra time with others to really connect. And to surround myself with those that lift me up and love to laugh. I’m already having more fun. :)

Oh, I took a trip to the Outer Banks last week, pics are up in the gallery. It’s so beautiful there this time of year, and not too crowded.

‘The life you’ve always wanted to live will remain a fantasy until you actually begin living that way now.’ ~Cee Jay Coe

p.s. I’m loving these two songs right now: Need You Now and Heart of Steel

Be Uniquely You

Leigh — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 17:35:05 +0000

Queer little twists and quirks go into making an individual.

To suppress them all and follow clock and calendar and

creed until the individual is lost in the neutral gray of the

host is to be less than true to our inheritance…

Life, that gorgeous quality of life, is not accomplished

by following another man’s rules. It is true we have the same

hungers and same thirsts, but they are for different things

and in different ways and in different seasons.

Lay down your own day, follow it to its noon,

your own noon, or you will sit in an outer hall listening

to the chimes but never reaching high enough

to strike your own.

~Angelo Patri

Bloom Where You’re Planted

Leigh — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 04:04:32 +0000

I’m itching to travel again. Big surprise there. I’m planning a trip for June but not sure where yet. In the meantime, spring has sprung here in North Carolina! Sometimes I’m so focused on exploring other places, that I almost forget how beautiful this state is, particularly in the spring and fall.

Sometimes when we travel-holics are at home, we can get restless quickly and focus on when and where we’re going next. Often, it seems we are searching for something we feel we can’t find in our own hometown. This can be true to an extent as things such as fresh adventure, new sights, and different cultures can only be found when we travel to other locations. But really, most everything we are all truly looking for is wherever we are right now. Kind people, unique spots, interesting experiences, a home cooked meal enjoyed with wine and friends, and opportunities to help others can be found most anywhere. There are interesting people and fun things to do even in the most unexpected places. Even if we have to look a little. And believe me, I know this being from a small, but beautiful town in Alabama. Like my mom always said to me when I would get shy or lazy about trying something new, ‘Honey, you have to bloom where you’re planted.’

So this weekend, I took advantage of the gorgeous spring weather and decided to explore Raleigh a little more with my camera in tow. I started paying attention to the small things, and found beauty everywhere. A few of my favorite photos are in the new photo gallery on the right.

Happy Spring!

Changing Directions

Leigh — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 18:07:48 +0000

Image by: me! at Chimney Rock, NC

Blog Update

Hello! It’s been a while since I’ve written. This is partly because I’ve been focusing on other things and also because I’ve brainwashed myself into thinking that I have to write long, thought provoking posts on personal growth and travel and just haven’t felt inspired to write those kinds of posts lately.

When I started this blog, I had a goal in mind for where it would go. Now, my goals have changed and I have decided to keep this as a more personal blog. Granted, I’m a pretty private person so it won’t be that personal, but it will be a little more spontaneous, and less censored. Writing has never been something I long to do, yet I always discover something new about myself and whatever I’m writing about in the process. But in order to enjoy writing, I must take some of the pressure off to write something that’s perfect and just go with my flow. :)

Of course, Fresh New Life will still focus largely on travel but also on movement, of any kind, through life. Whether that be through a life changing trip or through an unusually rich life experience. That’s the stuff that inspires me.

Personal Update

In general, I tend to be more of a thinker than a doer. This can be a good thing, but it can also lead to too much thinking and not enough living. I’m making an effort these days to just do, try, and learn through experience. Boy, I can over analyze with the best of them. If I’m curious about something, I’ll immediately Google it or make a beeline to Barnes and Noble for the book. I love diving in and learning, it’s part of who I am, but I have to be careful not to mistake understanding something from a reader’s perspective to actually living that experience and truly understanding.

Happy in Honduras after I just ‘did it’. (Quit my job to travel)

So my new mission is, (and spring arriving is helping immensely) to do things. Not just look at them, analyze them, think about all the pros and cons but to just try. It’s something that’s always challenging to me yet I always gain so much from just diving into something other than the book. For example, I used to take tango lessons. It was challenging the first few months trying to stumble through the steps, but I finally got to a point where it just seemed to flow. I wasn’t worried about which foot to turn next or if I’m pivoting correctly. And the feeling you get when you can really tango, and really be in the dance with your partner is amazing. It was a high that I sometimes still long for. But, without practice, it’s lost.

I’m considering taking lessons again. But over thinking the reasons why I shouldn’t. ‘I’m always taller than my partner, the instructor is very touchy/flirty and sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable, I hate dancing with really bad dancers, I’ll feel nervous for the first several weeks’, etc. But in the end, I really love tango dancing and what it does to me, my body and my spirit… if I just stop the mind chatter, relax a little and dive in.

What are you diving into right now? Would love to hear from you in the comments!

Leigh

Leap of Faith

Leigh — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:32:44 +0000

~ ‘A courageous leap of faith can lead you into unchartered territory, enabling you to build a new more adventurous life. Though you may anticipate that fear will be your guide on your journey across the abyss, you will likely discover that exhilaration is your constant companion.’ ~

Trying something new can be very scary.

It’s that feeling of doing something completely novel that takes us out of our comfort zone and into unknown, unchartered territory. That’s o.k., it’s supposed to feel that way. In fact, studies have shown that taking risks and trying new things makes us happier. It gives us self confidence, higher life satisfaction and even a chemical high. Yep, the simple of act trying something new, and that slightly panicky feeling that accompanies, increases dopamine levels in our brain and gives us that brief high on life feeling.

So how do we brave up and take more risks?

Getting up the gumption to try something new doesn’t require herculean effort, just a little bit of practice. If you’re new to risk taking, start with small things and work your way up. For instance, a small risk may be initiating a conversation at a party, or asking someone to dance. Once you’ve conquered those, start taking bigger chances, like planning a solo adventure, starting your own business, or delving into a new relationship. These are where the big fat rewards lie, but they take more courage. Remember… the worst that can happen is that you take the risk and hate it. At least then you’ll know, and will have learned something new. The best case scenario, is you love it, feel exhilarated by taking the risk and have achieved a whole new level of growth (aka become a way cooler person)

Traveling to new places can help in becoming more confident in ourselves and in taking risks.

I’m constantly forcing myself to try and go outside my comfort zone. It’s not easy, as I’m very comfortable there. But travel helps me do it in a fun and exciting way. How? Being out and about in the world frees us of our normal constraints. When traveling, we are constantly surrounded by new things which forces us (in a fun way) to flex our risk taking muscles. If you’re one of those people that has never left your home state but whiles in your cubicle daydreaming about escaping reality for a while, take a leap of faith and start planning a trip. First step: choose the date. Ask off from work, even if you’re not sure where you are going yet or if you have someone to go with. Take that one simple step, the rest will fall into place. Once you make a decision to do something, all kinds of forces come to your aid to help you get what you want. So don’t worry too much about the details, they will work themselves out. The important thing is that you do it. Take the leap, have faith things will work out, honor your need for new experiences, adventure, and happiness and go!

If you’re stuck on destination ideas, here are a few places you can start:

Top Budget Travel Destinations for 2009

Lonely Planet

National Geographic Traveler (one of my favorites for cool photos, stories and interviews)

The Frugal Traveler (awesome travel blog in NY Times)

Happy Travels!

Shantaram

Leigh — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:02:37 +0000

I am reading an amazing book titled ‘Shantaram’. (Thanks Josh) It’s an autobiographical novel by Gregory David Roberts, who is a talented writer but became addicted to heroin after his marriage collapsed. He was sent to prison on armed robbery charges but soon escaped and went on to live in India, New Zealand, Asia, Africa, and Europe. During his time in Bombay, India, he established a free medical clinic for slum dwellers, worked as a counterfeiter, smuggler, gunrunner and street soldier for the mafia.

There is a part in his book I’d like to share with you. It takes place shortly following Lin’s (main character) arrival in India after his prison escape in Australia. His guide, Prabaker, has invited him to his home village away from the hustle and bustle of Bombay for a few months. When he first arrives, Lin is like a fish out of water. However, at the end of three months, he has experienced a profound shift and realizes this while standing by the river…

‘I was thinking about another kind of river, one that runs through every one of us, no matter where we come from, all over the world. It’s the river of the heart, and the heart’s desire. It’s the pure, essential truth of what each one of us is, and can achieve. All my life I’d been a fighter. I was always ready, too ready, to fight for what I loved, and against what I deplored. In the end, I became the expression of that fight, and my real nature was concealed behind a mask of menace and hostility. The message of my face and body’s movement was, like that of a lot of other hard men, Don‘t fuck with me. In the end, I became so good at expressing the sentiment that the whole of my life became the message.

That didn’t work in the village. No-one could read my body language. They knew no other foreigners, and had no point of reference. If I was grim or even stern, they laughed, and patted my back encouragingly. They took me as a peaceful man, no matter what expression I wore. I was a joker, someone who worked hard, played the fool for the children, sang with them, danced with them, and laughed with an open heart.

And I think I did laugh like that then. I was given a chance to reinvent myself, to follow that river within, and become the man I’d always wanted to be. …. They judged my nature to be blessed with peaceful happiness and so the women agreed to my new name. Shantaram.

They nailed their stakes into the earth of my life, those farmers. They knew the place in me where the river stopped, and they marked it with a new name, Shantaram Kishan Kharre. I don’t know if they found that name in the heart of the man they believed me to be, or if they planted it there, like a wishing tree, to bloom and grow. Whatever the case, whether they discovered taht peace or created it, the truth is that the man I am was born in those moments, as I stood near the flood sticks with my face lifted to the chrismal rain. Shantaram. The better man that, slowly, and much too late, I began to be.’

It’s never too late to be who you want, or are meant, to be.

Joy. Decisiveness. Travel.

Leigh — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:51:53 +0000

What do you want in life? Do you know yet? Does the thought of answering this question make your head spin? Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be complicated. It can even come down to just three simple words. Keep reading to see what I mean…

I love More magazine. I’m still a ways from being their target age bracket (40 and over) but I love reading about strong, smart, sexy and vibrant women who are living life to the fullest without accepting age as a limitation. I want to be one of these women as I get older. I want an exciting, full life right up until I kick the bucket. And this magazine is fantastic at profiling women of all ages doing extremely cool things.

The most recent issue features a candid interview with Robin Wright Penn. In it, she talks about her life, her joys and regrets, and her hopes for the future. For most of the past 18 years, she spent her time at home in California raising two kids who are now preparing to leave for college. She’s battled with indecisiveness, shyness, and a tumultuous marriage in which she finally split with her husband of 16 years. When asked what she now wants in life, she responded:

‘Joy. Decisiveness. Travel.’

That simple. Her answer caught my breath.. three little words. Life and personal growth doesn’t have to be that complicated does it? Just ask yourself: What do I want? Do you want to travel? Start your own business? Become Location Independent? Or perhaps you’d like to learn how to cook, have more peace and quiet, volunteer, or take more risks. Answer yourself in just three words. And remember in times of distress or confusion to ask yourself: What do I really want? Is this experience helping me get there?

This may sound a little selfish but it’s not. As we all know, the happier we are, the more we can give to others. So don’t be afraid to go after what you really want. Your answer can change as your life changes but the simple act of defining what you want in three words is an easy, doable exercise. Keep your three words safe in the back of your head and use them to steer your course. Just the act of identifying the words and putting them into your brain, will cause your subconscious to take action in those directions.

At this point in my life, my answer would be similar to Robin’s except it would read: ‘Joy. Connection. Travel.’ Everyone’s words will be different and you define what each words means to you. My definition of joy may be something completely different than yours. Remember, we all want the same things in life, just in different ways.

What three words describe what you want in your life right now? I’d love to hear them.